


Heal Me

by A_M_Kelley



Category: Bandom, The Who
Genre: 1980s, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:35:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_M_Kelley/pseuds/A_M_Kelley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete would tell you that losing Keith is what hit him the hardest, but it was really the fact that he was afraid of being alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heal Me

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously can't remember the last time I wrote something rated "G"....
> 
> So I decided to get over myself for a moment and write some Pete angst with some Rog/Pete and a hint of past Keith/Pete. Also, I sorta started out with a strong idea and plot for this story but it took on a mind of it's own and walked off somewhere else... So sorry if it's a little confusing or too unexplained.

Pete likes watching Roger sleep. It's the only time when he can stare and study Roger more closely without attracting attention from John or anyone else that might be looking. Pete loves how peaceful and relaxed Roger's face becomes as he's haloed in blonde curls and moonlight creeping through the window, looking so pure and untouched by all vices of the world.

On nights like these when he's too restless to sleep or wakes up from a cold sweat Pete often gets lost in Roger's hair, taking his time to count and sift through each individual curl as they slip through his fingers like silk. It feels so different with Roger than it did with Keith mainly because they are polar opposites. Not only in stature and feel but also in character.

One major difference is the fact that the relationship Pete has with Roger is perfectly platonic, most of the time at least, whereas his relationship with Keith was romantic (as romantic as it could be with someone like Keith). To put it bluntly, Pete and Keith had sex on a regular basis simply because they could. Pete may have been a little more attached to the idea of an acttual relationship than Keith, but it was what it was.

Pete slept with Keith because he wanted to. He slept with Roger out of necessity. Pete couldn't sleep by himself out of habit and he no longer had Keith to cling to on nights like these so the only real solution to his problem had been Roger, someone with whom he trusts his life with and more. But Pete gets the overwhelming notion that he's using Roger as a substitute for what he had with Keith.

As much as Pete WANTS to deny it and say that's not true, he knows he can't. Roger is a substitute for Keith. A substitute for what was no longer available. But that's not to say he took Roger for granted or had ulterior motives. Their "arrangement" was platonic to an extent and Pete only ever engaged in anything remotely sexual unless Roger prompted it.

But there were a few exceptions to the matter. Pete reached up and laced his fingers through soft bed-mussed curls, pulling and leaning in close to bury his face in them. He pressed a single kiss to Roger's temple which was the equivalent to kissing an angel sunbathing on a cloud... Or, you know... Some other abstract poetic metaphor Pete would've used to describe something ordinary but breath takingly beautiful.

There were times when Roger would want to touch and kiss more than what was considered as friendly. Most times when Roger kissed him Pete would get a pang of guilt deep in his stomach because in his world Keith was still alive and it felt as if he was cheating on him. But that would require a mutual understanding of what they had.

But here Pete was in Roger's bed, trying to cope with the fact that there would never be another night of holding Keith in his arms. Pete might as well have been all alone. And even Roger wasn't enough to calm him sometimes on nights like this one where he couldn't fall asleep. Pete was missing that familiar passion he had with Keith, kissing until they both fell asleep.

Pete was unable to feel that way with Roger simply because Roger felt too much like a brother... A brother he often kissed and touched inappropriately... But it wasn't as if Pete refused to make an effort to pursue Roger, he just didn't feel good enough for Roger. Roger was funny, charismatic, endearing, and above all one of the most beautiful human beings Pete has ever had the pleasure of meeting.

He knows Roger deserves the world and more, but Pete couldn't give it to him due to the fact that his heart was in the wrong place. His heart had left him when Keith died, so everything up until now had been a pointless waste of time and Pete was just stringing Roger along with false pretenses. But...

But Pete didn't want that. He didn't want this connection with Roger to be built on desperation and loneliness.

Pete looks down at Roger, watching him sleep away, and for a moment this feels right, like it was meant to be this way. He takes a second to brush away stray curls out of Roger's angelic face to place a palm flat against his warm cheek and it feels real enough for Pete to enjoy the contact. Pete wishes he could slow down time and stay crystallized forever in this moment. This tiny insignificant moment in which Pete has coped with the fact that Keith is dead and that all he has now is Roger to put him back together again, piece by jagged piece.

It's in this moment that Pete realizes that maybe, just maybe, he isn't as lonely as he initially made himself out to be. Pete knows Roger loves him, but to what extent? And does Pete love Roger back? These are questions Pete has no answers to but he's sure he'll know it when it happens.

Pete loses himself in his thoughts, much like he often does, only to be brought back to reality when he feels Roger stir beneath him. Roger's eyes blink open to darkness but he's aware that Pete is awake because he can feel those bright irises fixed on him even in the deepest sleep. It's funny how someone else can wake you up from their presence alone.

Roger sits up slightly groggily rubbing the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, trying to make his eyes adjust to the darkness between them faster. He blindly reaches a hand out for Pete only to be stopped with a hand around his wrist. While Roger half expects Pete to push him further away, his hand is guided to one of Pete's fever hot cheeks.

It's a simple gesture that says, 'Please, for the love of god, help me.' And it can't possibly go ignored. Roger sits up fully now, emerging from his sleepy haze to pull Pete's scrawny body to his in a tight embrace that let's Pete know he's not alone. That he has someone to lean on for support and that it's okay to cry.

"Are you alright?" Roger would often ask, obviously concerned and perhaps a little hopeful that Pete would just finally break down sob into his shoulder.

"Yes," Pete would then lie. Of course it's a lie, they both know Pete's not alright.

"Was it about Keith?"

"No."

Roger knows that's an even bigger lie than the one before and it doesn't stop him from pressing the matter further.

"We can talk about it?" Roger would implore more than offer.

"Can I just..." Pete trails off, changing the subject and suppressing the sob that dares to make his voice crack.

But Pete doesn't need to finish his sentence for Roger to understand what he wants. So Roger lays him down and burrows into Pete's skinny arms, letting himself be wrapped up in a cocoon of warmth and desperation. For awhile they just lay there in each other's embrace, soaking up the companionship as they count the minutes to the sound of their joined breaths.

Pete shifts and kisses Roger's neck chastely, just below his jaw line, like it's a silent promise. Roger is ready to say something that will force an explanation out of Pete but the guitarist beats him to punch.

"I can't tonight..." Pete tells him, nuzzling the tip of his nose into unruly curls. "I really want to. I do. Just not now..."

Roger accepts Pete's answer for what it's worth and drifts off to the tickle of Pete's lips against his cheek. Pete can feel Roger smile faintly as his lips pull up into a sleepy grin and it's in this moment when Pete figures that maybe he was all wrong about Roger. Maybe there was something Pete could forge between him and Roger. Pete muses to the notion of whispering 'I love you' into Roger's ear.

But Roger is already asleep


End file.
